I feel strange today. It’s cold outside so I stayed home basically all day working on a new piece of art and doing laundry and watching movies. I actually felt generally good but I could feel this pressing saddness that was just off in the distance and I felt sort of fragile, like I could easily cry at any moment. I’ve also been really spacy lately and it’s starting to really bother me. I’ve been forgetting things more then normal. My memory is already bad but it seems worse lately, like someone could be telling me a basic instruction and I would forget it instantly as soon as they were done talking and I acknoweldged that I understood. It’s very frustrating. I was at my sisters house tonight watching a movie and I plugged the kettle in to boil water and as soon as it clicked off and I got up to go make the tea I would instantly be distracted by something, like the movie or conversation and then sit down again and it would be gone from my mind. My sister reminded me of the kettle so I got up and made my cup of tea and left it on the counter to steep and went back to the living room for a few minutes and again completely forgot about my cup. A little while later my sister reminded me that my tea was probably ready and it bothered me a lot that I had completely forgotten about it. I feel like my brain has been functioning like this for a few days now and I’m not sure why. I’ve been making an effort to eat better, and get work done and trying to get in a decent amount of sleep. I feel generally happier then I have in a while but this spaciness seems to be getting worse. I’m not on any medications either so that’s not the problem. Maybe it’s another sign that I need to be on medications? I really don’t know. I even feel this sort of fuzziness in my head and it’s a bit of a struggle to string together words to form clear thoughts that I’m trying to communicate…
I do not like this feeling one bit.
My Life Bipolar 
8 Comments
Strange. I really feel the same way today, and I have noticed myself further “out in space” than normal, complete with short term memory loss. I feel like we bipolar people go through similar phases around the same time. I’ll never understand.
That’s fascinating, I wonder why that is. How are you doing?
Doing kind of “weird.” My mind’s not sure whether it’s happy or sad. I’ve got anxiousness and the jitters mixed with a feeling of worry and a tinge of sadness. I think I may be entering into a mixed state, which is always fun. I call it my mental purgatory.
Thanks for asking. Are you feeling alright, all things considered?
I don’t really know. I think you’re right about the mixed state thing, I think I might be heading there too. I hate feeling unstable and unsure about what is going on inside my mind and inside my body. I have a slight pressure headache too. I can easily see myself becoming very irritable very quickly if someone sets me off, or even being around people in general. That’s one good thing about the night: solitude of sorts.
First, I love your page! I’m obsessed with crows and birds on telephone wires. It’s striking. I know, for me, that being off meds causes a great deal of exhaustion, slow thinking, dulling. Or anxiety, rage, irrational thinking. I just started a new med and feel GREAT (or else I wouldn’t be commenting or starting my own blog about mental health and my memoir.) Just a thought. I’m glad I stopped by.
I’m glad you stopped by too. I haven’t tried any meds yet and I’m waiting for a referal to a psychiatrist to go through but I’m almost hoping that they will put me on something and that this fog will go away. It’s brutal. I’m really glad that meds are helping you and you’re feeling better, that gives me hope.
The Fog sucks. That’s all I got.
True story.