I remember being singled out when I was younger and deliberately left out of things because nobody wanted to be with me. One time when were were in the city shopping, my sibblings and a few cousins were sitting at a table while we were waiting for our parents to finish up. There were two tables beside each other and there was only enough room at one table for everybody minus one. I was the odd one out. One person got up to go do something and I happily slid into the vacant spot so I could join with everybody around the table. As soon as I sat down, everybody simultaneously stood up and moved to the other table, where the person who had previously got up came rushing back and took the last spot. They all laughed at me as I sat there alone and started crying. I will never forget that day and how much it hurt me.
I couldn’t help but think of that incident last Sunday when I had my party at my house with the same cousins, the only difference was that nearly everyone had a spouse or a girlfriend with them. We were playing a group game and we were divided into 2 groups of 4. 3 of my team members sat on the sofa while I sat in a chair, which was fine. A while into the game as people were occasionally getting up and moving back and forth between the snack table and the living room and mingling around, I decided to sit on the couch to be beside my cousins and my sister and her husband so I could be a better participant in my team. At that point everybody got up to get some snacks since I had just got a fresh plate of snacks I remained where I was. When everybody else got what they wanted they each sat in different places or just stood around instead of coming back and sitting down beside me. I felt so strange sitting on the couch alone, and very confused at why they didn’t come back. I invited them to come sit down but they just joked that they wanted to be close to the snack table because the snacks were so good. There could have been truth in that but I was instantly transported back to the above incident when I was younger. It hurt so much. I looked around at everybody as they were all happy and coupled off and laughing and joking with each other and I just felt so alone. I was literally fighting as hard as I could not to cry, and not to show how upset I felt. Eventually my sisters husband came and sat at the other end of the couch and the game resumed. But the hurt still lingers on…
My Life Bipolar 
9 Comments
People have NO IDEA!!!!!!!
I know…it’s brutal. You can’t just easily get over events like this, especially when they’re repeated and repeated…it leaves an impression on you, one you fight to identify for years and years to come.
Well I feel your pain..you are not alone.
It amazes me how deeply embedded into our hearts those painful memories are. I believe there is an enemy of our souls that sets us up to prove those hurts of the past and convince us of our worthlessness. People say or do something foolish or thoughtless and we’re transported, as you say, into the same pain. I hate it when that happens! I’m sorry that was your recent experience. I’m sorry you were treated so hurtfully as a child. The world has such a cruel side. I realize I know so little of you and your life, but it seems that the family/people you spend time with (that you’ve written about) don’t add anything positive to your life. Maybe I’m being presumptuous (please forgive me if I am), but have you considered a different church? A different set of friends? Again, only a very limited observation. Please dismiss my questions and forgive me if they offend!
Don’t worry, I’m not offended. I lost most of my friends when I moved a few months ago, and the friends that I used to have are mostly all married now so I don’t feel like I fit there either since I’m single. So, I don’t really have any real friends right now, at least not in the same province. I am looking for a good church but I’m kind of losing hope in that search too…It’s hard to be motivated when depression is in full swing which is where I am at right now. My family is slowwwly starting to get on board with my battle but it’s still really difficult at times, and my extended family like my cousins, aunts and uncles have no idea what I’m going through, and don’t have a lot of grace. I believe some of this struggle could be a spiritual attack, but I’m beyond praying for it now, I really believe I need to seek psychiatric help and maybe try some meds because prayer and talking about it isn’t enough, not that I’ll stop praying. Thank you so much for your caring comment! It really means a lot to me!
Thank you so much for sharing! Yes, depression makes if very hard to be motivated to do anything. And it’s hard to find a good church. I moved to where I live now simply for the church (and it’s by the beach 🙂 ). It was worth the move. Probably one of the hardest and best things I’ve ever done in my life. I can understand how hard it is to deal with family when they don’t really get what you’re going through.
It does sound like you are experiencing spiritual attack as well. I will continue to pray for you. I’ve found a few counselors that have really helped me through some really tough places. They can be a great resource if they are good.
I’m glad you are at least finding an outlet in your writing and hopefully meeting some friends that way too. You are on my heart! Hang in there.
Sounds like most holidays with my father’s side of the family. Just wanted to express my empathy and understanding.
Thank you
You are stronger than you think! Thank you for your bravery and sharing!