Ugghh….I had two social get togethers today and at the first one I had a large green tea and the second one I had a big iced coffee and after having no caffine for months the caffine plus my meds has pushed me over the edge. I feel like I’m manic but not the good kind of manic. I’m shaking and freaking out and jacked up about everything and beyond irritable. On top of that when I have important plans and they fall through that tends to send me spiraling. That’s what happened today as well, my pdoc was supposed to fill out an important form for me and I was supposed to pick it up this afternoon. I called this in last week and they said it would be ready to go today. I got there and it wasn’t done, they didn’t even know what I was talking about at first until they dug out the empty form and asked me if it was the right one. Then they told me it would be done in 10 minutes. After waiting over half an hour I went up to the desk and asked if I should come back in the morning, they said he’d be busy tomorrow. I told them I needed it this week because timing was crucial. Ugh..I’m just freaking out and my stimulant I’m on plus a boatload of caffine (for me it’s a lot) plus stress, plus driving back and forth between here and the farm a lot (which is hours away) and the pressure from family to not be on disability and to get a job plus being made to feel guilty for spending a little bit of money plus getting a letter in the mail stating there’s a recall on my car and I have to take it in is all adding up to disaster in this moment. Where the fuck is my ativan?! aaaaaaaah haha….ahh… I’m trying to calm down. My mom keeps telling me to calm down when I talked to her on the phone and she keeps repeating over and over again to finish what I’ve started like cleaning my apartment and helping them at the farm even though I’ve said I’d do it already she keeps repeating it. It’s driving me nuts. When I’m all worked up and someone tries to be helpful by telling me to calm down it just makes me even more worked up and upset and then I burst into tears because I’m so fucking frustrated at everything, especially the fact that I can’t calm myself down. The change of visiting the farm and coming back to the city is also triggering me. It always triggers me. Every time I take a trip anywhere for more than a day always sends me spiraling whether a lot or a little. I hate it.
Any advice? How do other people calm down when they’re so worked up? I don’t know what to do. If it gets really really bad then I take sleeping pills or something and just put myself to bed.
My Life Bipolar 